MY RADIOHEAD: “I ASK YOU, HAVE YOU SEEN MY RADIOHEAD?”

Oh my god, they're so brilliant! Oh, they are such great musicians! Oh Jesus, lord have mercy, have you seen them live?! Wow, do you just not get it? They just go here and do that and then there are all these instruments, clamoring anti-chords, electronic beats making all the wistful flavory noises, and it's all recorded, how neato and great. No? Well, ingest a few edibles then, it is so great, you'll get it.... Blerrrbiddity fleeebursky drib drab himmelfarb ding dong tom-f*%kery.

Have they written ONE MEMORABLE SONG in 20 years, worth an absolute shite??!! Seriously?

Radiohead. Where the f*%k has MY Radiohead gone??!!

For a decade, from 1993 to 2003, what you would find on my side of this column was a pure Radiohead fan. Extreme exclamation point. I loved every record and attended shows on every tour in three different cities, beholding my first show at the original 9:30 Club in Wash. DC. With the two bands at similar starting gates, I always wondered who would go on to kick more ass, Radiohead or Catherine Wheel. One band broke up and one band began tripping up... over and over.

FFFFLLLASHBBBACK + QUICK SIDEBAR....... Do we remember when 311 went from detonating live performance bombs in your favorite live joints during the early to mid 90s, touring behind fine records, including the epic "Music."... then retreated into a stoned-out Sugar Ray songwriting shell? Well shit, I do. It was displeasing, it scarred and I never returned as a full-on fan.

To remain in a similar musical disappointment flow, in 2003 I feel like Radiohead slowly converted themselves into a vocalized electrocardiogram working through your annual physical. I guess it was a zippy departure for a record or even two, but give me a break already. How do you follow up the birthing of Pablo Honey, The Bends, OK Computer, Kid A, and the majority of Amnesiac (as a collection, harboring a laundry list of timeless recordings) and then fast forward to multiple hours of dudes bumbling on top of each other battling for the alternate rhythm or awkward non-melodious squeal. Excuse me, did you order some haphazard organic EDM tracks with rubber lipped speed yodeling? Ok, would you like an ever so subtle dose of dolphin flipper fighting audio works to add to the tempo? Yes, organic EDM makes absolutely no sense, but I trust you can decipher my analytics and emotions. Radiohead... how many Zooropas you gonna churn out? Laurels very much rested, I see. 

Personally, I arrived at the road's fork where I believe Radiohead started escorting the fans and so-called appreciative masses past the Radiohead velvet rope, and then commenced jerking them around with their “possibly newfound” musical prowess. Listen to me fidaddle on my gumbobbulator for nine straight minutes and be completely gobsmacked... and afterwards tell all your friends about how you joyously gutted through the whole experience on your overpriced and not really analog vinyl. Hey, I wonder which guy in the band is the most proficient on the elementary school recorder or can most likely throw down on the glockenspiel. The sycophants or newbies of course must remain hypnotized at these fascinating souffles of sound. Their "membership cards" are on the line. Tables turned, if it was an experienced but unnamed band, there would be limited reverence. It's the name and golden reputation that carries the day. That's not the first or last time this has happened in the artistic arena, but still judge it on its own merit. 

I am going to say that a few of these later albums could be fairly labeled as a cop out. They took the writing pressure off themselves by overtly retreating into their new creative path, such as, merely recording band practice as an official studio album and hoping some songs would accidentally emerge. Now they can make the god-like statement of... I don't "want to write songs with hooks" or "write songs that could be interpreted as singles." I get it. I worked with a few bands like that, but they stylistically originated and remained that way. Maybe it was their fixed decision from the get-go or maybe it was because those artists couldn't write and collaborate at a certain level. 

You can't tell me that Radiohead hasn't purposely fought the urge for over 20 years to write more landmark songs, let alone albums, that could still indulge various imaginative colors of the spectrum.... and I am not necessarily referencing their hits. A band can understand and celebrate their core, maybe call it their center, and continue to push the boundaries. The bands that CAN do both (which are very few) and deny themselves and the listeners, represent wasted talent on one end and probable enjoyment on both ends.  

Who knows? Maybe their entertainment aspirations at this juncture are to see how they can manipulate instruments to their maximum capacities. If so, I will root for them in their quest for a slot in the Guinness Book of World Records. If not, then I hope to hear at least one more record where the skills meet the aspiration meet the songwriting and we receive something special... and I WILL hold my breath.